The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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