Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
