So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
