So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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