hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
