At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
