Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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