Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
