Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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