do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
