My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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