soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
