AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
