She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
