He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is Oprah even human
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
