I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
