i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
