we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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