We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
