Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
