i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
