Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
