I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are we still banned from the library?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
