that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
