just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
