Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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