Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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