allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
