Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
a search helicopter?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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