Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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