the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
