so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dick has a subreddit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
