my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
