remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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