My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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