I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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