i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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