No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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