He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
