I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
