Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
