I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
