I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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