Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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