Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
