Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
