I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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