Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
