I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
