I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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