I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
