So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
