I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
