I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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