Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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