forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
