i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
