sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
