just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your cock deserves a montage
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
