remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
