Buhtt sex?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
