evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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