i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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