im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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