God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
