I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
