I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
