I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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