mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
