drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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