I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just found puke in my bra..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
