I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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