just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
