Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
