pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
