I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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