Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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