Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
