I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize